One of the things I've thought about as a parent is how to motivate my kids in a positive way, but also about the right things.
Soon after the twins were born I read the book Nurture Shock by Po Bronson and Ashley Merryman. The book was very interesting overall, but the idea of finding ways to reward and encourage effort (instead of just the end success) stood out to me in particular.
On my morning drive the other day I heard a story on NPR that reminded me of the idea from Nurture Shock with a little bit different take. The discussion was about the differences between parenting/teaching approaches in Eastern and Western cultures.
The professor of psychology featured in the NPR segment said this,"I think that from very early ages we [in America] see struggle as an indicator that you're just not very smart," Stigler says. "It's a sign of low ability — people who are smart don't struggle, they just naturally get it, that's our folk theory. Whereas in Asian cultures they tend to see struggle more as an opportunity."
Although it may seem a little cliché or over simplified to see "struggle" as "opportunity," I like to think of it as rewarding and reinforcing effort.
As a parent, I will always be excited when one of my kids accomplishes something, but I have to work hard to praise them for effort. I try to get excited by them trying a task. Ultimately I'm hoping they'll be motivated to try new things, even if they might fail.
I'm not so great at trying new things myself, especially if I find it risky. I really want my kids to be willing to try new things, be comfortable with struggle, and feel a greater personal reward when they've had to work a little harder to accomplish something.
This is great in theory, but we'll see if I can pull any of it off as a parent.
