When I Was Pregnant

I few nights ago I had dinner with my Mom, just the two of us and the conversation came around to being Moms and being pregnant. She said when she was 36 (I was 16 and Brian was 11) there were a couple of days she thought she was pregnant again. She didn’t tell anyone but started planning how she would handle the pregnancy. She thought, “I’m going to have to slow things down and take it easy, I’m going to have the rest of the family help out more, I have to take care of myself.” The reason she was concerned was at 36 she would be a little older and it just wouldn’t be as easy as the other pregnancies. As it turned out she wasn’t pregnant after all, but it got me thinking about my own pregnancy and I realized how really hard it was.

Carl and I had already been on an emotional roller coaster just trying to get pregnant. It took three years for me to get pregnant. At the office I continued to work hard, but also push hard to get promoted. All the while I knew I was trying to have a baby, but I didn’t want that to hold me back at work. It was a very stressful time leading up to the pregnancy, but it intensified once I learned I was pregnant.

I had been pregnant for two months when I was promoted. I remember at Easter announcing to my family I made principal and I was having twins. Now that I’d finally been promoted I felt a ton of pressure to prove I deserved it and not seem like I was slacking because I was pregnant. Since I would use my vacation and sick days for maternity leave, I couldn’t take off any time while I was pregnant. I worked every single day and I don’t think I’ve ever worked harder.

In addition, I had a high-risk pregnancy since I was of "advanced reproductive age," at 38, compounded by the fact I was having twins. Near the end of my pregnancy I was diagnosed with gestational diabetes. This caused even more pressure and strain in an already stressful situation since I had to carefully plan meals and snacks for carb count and take my blood sugar throughout the day.

I plugged along and did whatever had to be done.

In the conversation with Mom the other night I just realized what an incredibly challenging pregnancy it was. I was so lucky everything went well, but I really put too much pressure on myself to do too much. I didn’t like being pregnant, but I do like having the twins and often I can’t believe how incredibly lucky I am to have Carl, Connor, and Chloe in my life.